No Stress

Learning to be thankful for what is

By Anne Postic 

Those words have been in my head and my heart every day since I heard them in a recent sermon by Dean Dane Boston at Trinity Episcopal Cathedral in Columbia. When our children were still at home, we were regular churchgoers. As they grew up and ventured out into the world, we attended less and less often, favoring more sleep or a round of golf over occupying our regular balcony pew. On that recent Sunday, although I knew in theory that the entire congregation wasn’t consumed by speculation over where we’d been, I couldn’t help but feel a little self-conscious as we sat in church that morning.

Boston’s words eased that anxiety and helped me feel thankful for the quiet time of reflection. (And instead of missing the kids and worrying about them, I felt grateful for the ease with which we were able to leave the house and arrive on time.) In the weeks that followed, his words came to mind often. Irritation over slow-moving traffic transformed into gratitude for the podcasts I love listening to in my sporty convertible. Frustration over a cooking mistake turned into joy at improvising and appreciating my good fortune—having time to cook and the budget to buy food I love. Random phone calls, instead of inducing anxiety about everything else I had to do that day, sparked feelings of gratitude for my wonderful friends and family, most of whom I don’t see nearly as often as I’d like. All this delight took away the power of any minor irritation.

Changing your usual approach to various situations takes practice. Deciding to greet the day with gratitude instead of fear is a hard habit to develop. But I’m determined. My New Year’s resolution is to focus on living in the moment and reminding myself of everything that’s going well (or well enough, as the case may be). Is it cheating that I started in November? Am I doomed to fail at everything I try? Does that make me a bad person? To quote Britney Spears (because why not?): “Oops, I did it again.”

True: I may have had a head start, and I may fail. But I’m grateful that I prepared ahead of time and that I’ve succeeded in the past in changing some of the things I don’t love about myself. And I’m not a bad person—because is anyone wholly terrible or entirely good? To quote another artist, Kanye West (also neither perfect nor completely flawed): “You’re not perfect, but you’re not your mistakes.” Today, I’m grateful to be myself—a person flawed enough to empathize with others and kind enough to want to.

So far, so good. To be fair, as I write this, the holidays are still a few weeks away, and that’s not always an easy time. But this year, instead of worrying that I’m failing to provide magical holiday memories for our sons, or that I should go to more parties (and be a more interesting guest), or that whatever we eat won’t be good enough, I’m determined to do better. For the first time in a couple of years, all our sons will be here. They make me laugh, they get along well and love each other, and we have a new puppy! Also, I actually like fruitcake, and this is the only time of year I can get my hands on that sticky, booze-soaked treat. It may be January by the time you read this, but you can bet I’ll be gratefully eating a little slice. Because no one else wants it, and the liquor means a fruitcake never really goes bad. Hooray!

Will choosing gratitude in the face of anxiety mean nothing bad ever happens? Or that stress will never rear its head? Of course not. But this year, I’ll be grateful for everything in my life that helps me get through those less-than-perfect moments. Or at least I’ll do my best. Here’s to friends, family, and everything that makes the tough times bearable. And here’s to hoping we can all live in the moment, able to acknowledge the bright spots—even in the darkest corners—that bring us joy.