Wife, Mother… Spy

Meet the former CIA operative who raised five kids, planned covert missions, and is sharing her story

By Vera Wilson

If you’ve ever heard the phrase, “If you want something done, give it to a mother,” it won’t surprise you to learn that a mom of five managed to get an extraordinary amount done as a CIA intelligence operative for nearly three decades. The efficiency, multitasking, and problem-solving required to keep a household running after all are critical skills needed to navigate the high-stakes world of espionage. 

It used to be that spies who came in from the cold were pretty hush-hush about their espionage work. Nowadays, they’re talking about their experience on TV and social media or, as is the case with recently-arrived Wilmington transplant Ann Butler, by writing a book.

Butler’s book, Wife, Mother, Spy: An Extraordinary Life Filled with Ordinary Days, isn’t just about real-life spy stories; it’s about real life. As the title suggests, it talks about the challenges of balancing work and family, as she shares her adventures of raising her five children (yes, five!) with her husband Joe while living all over the world as a CIA intelligence operative. 

Much of the book is relatable on a personal level. When she writes about taking the kids to dance class before rushing home to fix dinner or the disappointment she feels when missing a school performance, we can nod empathically. The big difference? Lives were on the line if she didn’t fulfill the mission as planned. There was no sending in substitutes or rescheduling meetings that took months to plan. 

Speaking of work and home, she says, “I had these two missions that were both equally important. With my job, I was responsible for these agents that I had recruited and who are now standing on the street corner waiting for me to meet them. I was responsible for their safety, for their livelihood, for their lives.”

Butler didn’t set out to be a spy. Applying to the CIA was just one of many opportunities she pursued that would allow her to indulge her love of travel, a trait she inherited from her father, a geography professor. The family often accompanied him as his work took him to exotic locales.

And the job wasn’t as cloak-and-dagger as you might think. Although she carried a weapon in a specially-designed Coach handbag and had disguises, the success of any given operation often depended on her planning skills. 

“I wasn’t jumping over cars, but the reason was because of the planning. The planning is what we do really well, and we have to, because we're at risk and we're putting our agents at risk. So, every minute, every second, every left turn, right turn has to be planned ahead, and all the eventualities have to be accounted for. And because we do such a good job planning, that's why we're not putting people at risk, and that's why we're not having to have car chases,” she says. 

Butler elaborates about the skills necessary to be a good intelligence gatherer. Although still a male-dominated field, she believes that women are well-suited for the job.

“One reason is we can multitask. We can be a mom and make dinner and go meet agents without too much struggle,” she says. “And when recruiting, that is, when we’re assessing someone that we think has access to intelligence and can ultimately spy for us, we have to determine if they have the right characteristics. I’m generalizing, but I think women have the aptitude to listen and take in the responses to certain questions better than men.”

As in all families, there were unexpected and unwelcome struggles to contend with. After the birth of her fifth child, Butler was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. 

“Boy oh boy, was that a shock. It’s an amazing, horrifying disease and you don’t know what the future holds which was the scary part for me. I just had to keep on going—get to the meeting and my asset and collect the intelligence, and then I could take a breather,” she says.

Although she counts herself among the fortunate ones who are able to function well thanks to medication, the diagnosis did cause her to doubt herself. Should she—indeed, could she—continue to do it all like before? Ultimately, she decided to stay, for her family’s sake as well as her own.

“The job is really exciting. And the job has given us opportunities we would never have had ordinarily— to actually live in different cultures, live this great life, meeting these great people,” she says. 

But after 27 years in the CIA, she’s turned in her wig and weapon and has launched her own consulting business, although she’s currently focusing on the book. 

“I wrote it mostly for my five kids, but it’s taken off unexpectedly. I’m getting interview requests and doing some speaking engagements as well,” she says.

After living in Africa, Europe and here in the United States, why choose Wilmington for retirement? After visiting one of their children who lives here, she and her husband were hooked.

“We are really liking the vibe. It’s very chill, very friendly. There are things going on constantly like art shows, and new wine bars and restaurants popping up, and new activities,” she explains. 

What’s next for Butler? Hosting for the holidays with all five kids in attendance. Still an extraordinary life filled with ordinary days, all on her own terms.